From My Heart to Yours

Hey Naturals,

I temporarily paused my last post because I felt as though the timing was off and did not want to come off as insensitive. After speaking with my family and to the Lord, I was able to see that the recent chain of events has made the piece even more relevant to the body of Christ. I wanted to pen a letter in response to the chaos around us and why I have been silent.

My reaction to it all--shocked myself. 

After the footage of George Floyd's murder flooded social media, I felt like I did not have the mental, emotional, spiritual, nor psychological strength to deal with it. Not another hashtag. Not another life lost. Not another cry for justice and another confirmation that my life and the lives of those who look like me does not matter. I couldn't take another disappointment in fighting a system that either ignores us completely or presents reinventions of itself as change. So to maintain sanity, I unplugged. I unplugged from the world, all news, social media, etc. While unplugged, I felt numb, which was different for me. In times past, I leaped at the opportunity to post, petition, and protest; however, not this time. This time I felt numb. This time I felt hopeless. This time I did not know how to process this or where to begin.

To add insult to injury, after finding out that Floyd was a brother in Christ and a friend of a dear friend of mine. I really couldn't deal. You would think the confirmation of Floyd's faith would comfort me. After all, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Isn't that what we all want? Isn't that THE great reward? The answer is yes. However, this did not calm the silent storm brewing within me. I could feel the waves. I could feel the wind, but I couldn't bring myself to cry nor be angry. I couldn't even watch the video. I truly wanted to guard my heart because the thought of a grown man crying out for his mother sent me into a tearful frenzy of emotions. A man that favors my brother, my father, my uncles, cousins, future sons, etc. This, my friends, is not an easy pill to swallow. The hopelessness continued.

In this country, you can do all of the right things and still become a hastag. 

In an effort to protect Floyd's character and narrative, my friend released screenshots of conversations had in the days leading up to his murder. Turns out, Floyd was in Minneapolis for a Christian training program. He was learning skills he can bring back to the inner city streets where he served. My friend mentioned that Floyd assisted him with bringing out the baptismal pool on the basketball courts in Houston. There they would conduct church services and baptize kids in the neighborhood. I wasn't there. We can't be sure of what exactly took place, but this does not seem like the character of a man who deserves excessive force, especially over a pack of cigarettes. I could not bring myself to patch up my bleeding heart with the age-old pacifying phrases of "It must have been his time to go" or "God called him home." Did He? "Gone too soon" seems more befitting because I cannot bring myself to believe that God is "calling" young black men and women at such a violent and excessive rate. This sad reality is something that harvests fear and frustration in the hearts of many. However, succumbing to these thoughts did not make me feel better. Ignoring them did not make me feel better either. Then it dawned on me. In my life, no matter the situation/ailment the prescription has always been the same...prayer. Often dualed with supplication. Prayer not only changes things, but it gives us peace and spiritual understanding to deal with the things that we don't understand. Prayer--made me feel better.

Jesus is the answer. Jesus is our hope.

Through prayer, I was reminded that though the things around me feel or seem hopeless--I am not. The Lord told me to "Fear not because I have already overcome the world." We are not to place our hope in things, people, laws, or administrations because they are human-based. The only sure foundation we can stand on are things that are build by God. Justice has been promised in the Romans 12:19 and even if we do not see it in the earth realm as we see fit. God still reigns and sits on the throne and His word will not return unto Him void. Justice WILL be served--if not now later. This is why the Lord would like us to be rooted, grounded, and disciplined in the things of God. The Word of God provides a way to seek understanding, to lick/patch our wounds, provide answers, and to support our request when we are appealing to God in prayer. I, personally, apologize for not being as disciplined as I know to be and not prioritizing as I should in preparation for this moment. However, now is not the time to disengage, but to continue to fast, pray, and seek answers from the Lord. We have a great commission to share the good news. We have a responsibility to not only acknowledge the hurts and pains of our communities but to feel them and provide the answer. Jesus. Jesus is our hope.

I believe, prayer has been a catalyst in the most powerful movements that have inspired change.

& I don't believe that this one is any different. Proverbs 21 says, "The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart." Prayer in addition to the current efforts of petitioning, protesting, writing letters, making phone calls, providing donations, etc will all play a role in our success. We need divine intervention. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will heal their land." It is apparent that healing is not only what we want, but what our country needs. It's time for us to pray. Just in time, The Full Gospel Baptist Fellowship International lead by Bishop Joseph Warren Walker III is hosting a fast for the next 21 days. The purpose of the fast, among others, is to pray that the church takes its proper position in the earth realm. I not only agree but would hope that you would partner with us in petitioning not only the hearts of man but to speak directly to the ear of the Lord.

In plugging back in, I am faced with the harsh reality of the state of our country, even having more deaths at the hand of police brutality since George Floyd. However, I am also happy to see that a lot of the things that we have been lobbying for are changing!

I feel hopeful.

- with love always

Shanea