Innate: The "Un-becoming"

One day, I was asked, "You're so strong and confident. How did you get there?"

Well, I told her the truth. 

Jesus.

For years, I suffered from depression. I was mean, I was ALWAYS ANGRY, sad, said cruel things, was closed off. I just wasn't happy. To make matters worst, I would get depressed because I was mean, angry, etc. making me sadder, angrier, & more depressed.  I wanted to be seen as good in the eyes of men so badly. So I often went out of my way to prove that I was worthy of friendship and sometimes existence. It may seem extreme, but hey that's how depression was for me. In an effort to fix myself, I would try to "make" or "will" myself into a better person by forcing myself to be kinder, more graceful, faithful, consistent, happy, free etc. because I felt like these were qualities of a good Christian. I would go out of my way to give compliments, hugs, smile, be overly helpful, funny, charitable, etc. My charade didn't last long and often wasn't genuine. I would fail and try again days, weeks, if not months later. 

One day, I reached out to God and asked him to help me because I was tired of failing. The Lord calmly told me to stop focusing on myself and focus on Him. He also lead me to pick up a spiritual book (The Bait of Satan) and start praying and reading the bible everyday.

My Faith grew stronger day by day. I fought for consistency & soon enough, I completely relinquished control to the Lord.
 The more I trusted Him the more bad habits I dropped.
The more time I spent with Him the more like Him I became. 
God cleaned me from the inside out & replaced my bad fruit with the very fruit I pretended to produce. I realized along the way, "Wow, I'm joyful." Or "that was really kind of me" and it wasn't forced.

The very person/things I tried to force myself to be...I became easily through the Holy Spirit. 

Then it hit me!

Maybe the journey isn't about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything we are not, so we can be who God intended us to be in the first place.

We often judge ourselves or people by outward actions and hardly ever correlate it with their "inside." The symptoms or outward expressions of a thing are always subject to a root. I failed so many times because I wanted to produce "good" fruit from a dim & bruised heart. My pastor always says, "You can't get good fruit from a bad tree." I was a bad tree, not because I was a bad person, but because I allowed past hurts, bitterness, expectations, disappointments, false truths, and un-forgiveness to take root in my heart. These things may have begun in one area of my life, but eventually they spread to all areas like a cancer. Give the enemy an inch and he will take a Mile!

I tried so hard to be who I thought I was supposed to be. 
I was depressed because of who I wanted to be. 
When it was already in me...just buried underneath all of the muck I've collected over the years. It wasn't, until I submitted myself to Jesus wholeheartedly, remained consistent, & trusted God through the process that I was washed clean and my true nature was revealed.(Not to be confused with being Born again!)
 I didn't have to force myself to be kind because it was already a part of me. 
I didn't have to force myself to be free because I truly was!  
When Jesus died on the cross he freed each and everyone of us from sin and eternal damnation. I truly believe that God has given us EVERYTHING that we need to lead a successful life. 
Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations." The Lord has ordained and embedded purpose for your life. He carefully sculpted and created you on purpose. Let's get down to our true natural, innate self and become usable unto the Glory of God.


There's no way I could have done that on my own. We can't do it in our own that's why God has provided us with His Grace.  It wasn't easy, but it was worth it!
Don't receive His Grace in vain. Use it. It works.
(How do you use your grace? Surrender to Him. No back talk. No second guessing. Do as instructed. Stay faithful. Trust Him. Read your word and pray.)

I've said this to say,

Give it all to God. Trust Him with EVERYTHING and He will make you like new. Don't wallow in depression or repeat a monotonous decisions, like a hamster on a wheel, knowing that it doesn't work. Don't focus on the bad of you that you deny yourself the opportunity to allow God to refine it! & Most of all, don't be afraid of the process.


I will be posting a series based on the un-becoming. I believe God wants us to uproot every characteristic and thought process that he did not create you with.
Let's get down to our true authentic selves!
For the Glory of God!

My love be with you all in Christ Jesus. Amen.

- 1 Corinthians 16:24